I’ve had a difficult couple of days. No particular reason that I’m aware of, but my emotional state has been pretty precarious as of late, and I’ve been really struggling to be happy. I do have depression, but in general am quite well maintained and controlled as long as I take my antidepressants. Its always there, but I’m generally able to keep it from taking over. The fact that I am generally well controlled I think led me to forget how bad it can be when things go off, and yeah… this has been a bad one. Without consciously deciding to to, I have found myself rededicating myself to knitting. It is interesting to me that I clearly “self medicate” using my knitting. Totally unbeknownst to me, my brain said, “Okay, I’m really sad right now. I’d better start knitting again, STAT!”. And so I have. And it has helped. Last night on the couch while my husband and I watched Alias he looked over at me, watching me for a bit before saying, “I love seeing you knit again,” with a decidedly lovey dovey expression. I was sort of surprised and confused. My husband has never been AGAINST my knitting, not by a long shot, but I didn’t know it was something he outright liked or appreciated. The cynical depressed part of me thinks it is just because this hobby doesn’t pose a threat to his precious lawn, and yeah, maybe that factors in, but probably last night it had more to do with the knitting clearly helping in my depression. It truly has been a difficult few days, and the time I spent knitting yesterday was the time when I was not only not crying/overtly sad, I was actually feeling more normal and maybe even happy. I think he saw that and was grateful for it. I know he knows that knitting in therapeutic for me, but last night I think he properly saw HOW therapeutic it can be for me. I think when he said that he loved seeing me knit again what he really meant was that he loved seeing me feel better and he knew that knitting was the thing that did it.
Anyway, about my sock yarn blanket…
I’m at 189 blocks now! Absolutely loving how it is looking, and MAN am I ever close to that 200 block mark. I can’t wait to cross that threshold.
This blanket is definitely progressing and growing, but it does definitely feel like a bit of a personal Everest. This is a HUGE, time consuming project, and it may very well be the single biggest (both in terms of physical size as well as in terms of time) project I will ever complete. Already I’m very proud of this project, but I’m really looking forward to having done and having this finished and usable.
That said, I’m starting to think 800 blocks may be a bit much. As it stands the WIDTH would be a good LENGTH if I truly intend to use it only as a couch blanket. Right now the length is ~ half the width. For the time being I think I am just going to aim to make it a square and then see where it stands. Maybe I’ll be super happy with it with just 400 blocks. The great thing about this project is that it is easy to make it bigger whenever I want. So for now, the goal is to make it a square and then reevaluate.